August 2, 2016 – Mallorca

We arrived at Mallorca this morning. We were tired and didn’t get enough sleep due to the previous night’s activities. We had room service for breakfast. It was even worse this morning than yesterday, because we didn’t get the hot menu for free. This meant that we didn’t have an omelette and were stuck with yogurt and cereal.

Sunrise off our deck on the ship before we arrived at Mallorca.

Our juice, tea, yogurt, and cereal breakfast. Where's a protein shake when you need one?

Last night's hat is today's sun safe accessory in Mallorca.

Panorama of Mallorca from our deck.

We walked into town after getting a map and stopped and had lunch, a baguette sandwich and cold Coca Cola, in a café halfway to the centre of Palma de Mallorca. We continued walking in the hot Spanish sun past a beautiful cathedral that reminded us of a Balearic Notre Dame cathedral. It had a large rosary window and some amazing flying buttresses.

Instead of taking the bus packed with the shoving occupants of the ship, we walked into Palma de Mallorca.

Our sandwich lunch had a side of olives.

Spanish Coca Cola has fewer calories than its Canadian counterpart.

Picturesque old windmills in Palma de Mallorca.

The beautiful church had ornate and huge flying buttresses.

Near to the beach, we stopped and bough a drink and popsicles and then went to the beach.  We spent the afternoon sitting on the beautiful sandy beach and swimming in the water. The sea was the perfect temperature to cool us off, allowing us to swim in it for the entire afternoon. The water was very nice during our first swim, but after going in to put on sunscreen and wait a while before swimming, the sea seemed to have grown dirtier, as if a boat had emptied its bilge or garbage. Nonetheless, we very much enjoyed the day at the beach, as it was hot out and we needed time to decompress away from the ship.

We enjoyed our day at the beach in Mallorca.

The water was perfect in the hot Spanish  afternoon sun.

We stayed at the beach as long as we could and then rushed to the street nearby to get some cash out, some fizzy water, Oreos, and peaches for the ship (water is only free for us if we dine in the dining room at dinner), and tried to get a cab.

We had to walk further into town to find a taxi stand that was actually active at that time of day. We finally found one and went back to the port to get back on the ship. We had an ice cream in the port, however it was rather disappointing.

We boarded and went to our room. April sat on the deck for a while. Bill had had enough sun. We showered and did some laundry in the sink.

We ordered room service in for dinner, as we were not about to repeat the mistake of the first night of eating in the dining room. We listened to Harry Potter audio books on the computer and ordered our breakfast room service for the next day. This was far preferable for waiting for hours for mediocre dishes in the dining room.

April caught up on her journal, while Bill downloaded photos onto the computer for the blog, which we would not be able to post until we returned to Barcelona or even later, because the only internet available on the ship is slow and extortionarily priced.

July 1, 2015- The Long Journey Home CDG to SEA to YYJ

We Clean Eric's Apartment, Pack, and Have Our Last French Breakfast at Home, We Catch a Taxi to the CDG Airport in "Catostrophique" Traffic, We Have Lunch at the Airport, We Fly CDG to SEA on Delta (Operated by Air France), We Kill Time in SEA and Bill Transforms into a Fruit Bat, We Fly Alaska/Horizon from SEA to YYJ, We Take a Taxi Home, We Pick up our Cat, Lamont, We Sleep

We were up early on Canada Day to finish our packing, dress, eat, clean up Eric's apartment, and catch our taxi to the CDG airport. Eric met us at 8:30 when the taxi he had called for us was there to pick us up from his place. We gave him back the keys and put our suitcases into the cab.

The cab driver was funny she called the traffic "catastrophique" as we tried to get to the airport. She ended up having to U-turn and take another route due to some road closure or accident. It wasn't clear what it was, but people were getting out of their cars and walking around, craning their necks to figure out why traffic was not moving, a strange spectacle.

We made it to the airport in about one hour. We checked in for our flight, went through border control (this time the EU lineup took longer than the non-EU lineup- note to self, use other passport when exiting Europe), went through security, and then went and found lunch. We ate a fine sandwich and pastry (Mmm lemon tart and rhubarb pastry! Imagine if you found something delectable like that in a Canadian airport, flying might not be such a chore anymore . . .) from Paul (we had eaten there once before in Paris in the Louvre when we had a snack) and then found our gate.

Bill woke up two mornings ago with a cold and was doing poorly by this point. April was still really congested and feeling awful from the cold.

This time we did not wait until the last minute to board the plane, so we'd have overhead compartment space to put our carry-on bags unlike on the way over when they were so full that we could only stash one bag and had to keep the other under our seats.

This flight we had two seats by themselves, with no one across the aisle and no one behind us. April had the window. We were right by the bathrooms which was sometimes annoying, but convenient for such a long flight and with both April and Bill in a dreadful, dripping state and sorely in need of Kleenex frequently.

We tried to stay awake to get on local time, but since we were both so exhausted from the trip and sick, we kept dozing off and then starting awake. Top marks to Delta for being cheery and friendly, but the food is dreadful (but there's a lot of it! We're talking snack, meal, meal, meal for a 9.5 hour flight)). We had half of a baguette, croissants, and a pain au chocolat with us from our local bakery, so we offset some of the abysmal food with these treats.

About nine and a half hours later we arrive in SEA-TAC. We had to go through U.S. Customs (the border guard made a joke about how could we be tired when we were Hepburns in Paris- it's just so natural, we should be in our element), pick up our suitcases, put them on another conveyor belt, and then go through security again (this time with shoes off.) Security pissed at Bill and April for not removing dirty Kleenexes from their pockets before going through the scanner and the security woman took it as an excuse to feel up April. No surprises there, April is always picked on in security for some strange reason.

We went and found our revised gate and planted. Bill was really doing badly and did not want to even eat dinner, but April said he had to eat something. He then made a request for fruit salad or maybe pineapple (oh yeah, that's easy in an airport), or fruit only and perhaps some fruit juice to wash it all down. It was clear to April that Bill had suddenly transformed from human to fruit bat on the plane perhaps as a result of jumping nine time zones all in one go.  April went out and foraged for a fruit only dinner for Bill and was fortunately able to find a fruit salad with pineapple in it and fresh squeezed orange juice.

We boarded our Alaska/ Horizon flight to Victoria at 7:40 PM. We were careful through each take off and landing to suck on candies to avoid barotrauma of our ears since we both had bad colds (April got this coming back from Las Vegas one year- you don't want it- trust her).

We arrived in Victoria ahead of schedule at 8:07 P.M.. We collected our suitcases which both made it and then went through Canadian customs. We acquired a taxi and took it home watching the Canada revelers catching buses downtown.

We went out to pick up our treasured cat, Lamont, from April's cousin who kindly took care of him for three weeks, and then we returned home to crash just before 10:00 PM.

4.37 km walked today.

Waiting to board at CDG airport in Paris

Goodbye last baguette

June 22, 2015- Another At Sea Day

At Sea Day, a Not So International Breakfast in the Restaurant, Thwarted in Finding Good Deckchairs Again, A Day in the Sun Accompanied by Loudspeaker Italian, Another Appointment with the Guest Services Manager and the Completion of the Formal Complaint Form, Time Alone in Our Room That's Falling Apart, More on the Condition of Our Room and the Costa Magica, Dinner at the Restaurant at 9:15 PM

Today we continued our passage from Valencia, Spain to Savona, Italy (a small port town in the north, near Genoa). We awoke early and went to the "International Breakfast" restaurant which is also our normal restaurant for eating dinner at every night (excepting the nights when we choose to have room service in our room). It was actually open this time, unlike the last time we tried to eat there.

Bill had the "British Breakfast" which consisted of eggs, sausage, truly abysmal hash browns, and beans. April had the "Belgian Breakfast" which was supposed to be waffles, but they were cold, dense, and quite flat and served without syrup or butter. Since she also wanted some protein, she ordered a smoked salmon omelette (bluck! Part of it was completely raw!).

We went straight to the pool at 8:30 AM and still had trouble finding deckchairs even though the place was largely deserted. The main occupants of the cruise seemed to have put out all of their stuff over all of the chairs and then left to eat breakfast or go back to bed for several hours. It seems that though the ship has policies that are written all over the place, they do not bother to enforce them, leading to the general chaos and lack of order that we have come to expect on this ship.

We chose two chairs, several decks up from the pool (the closest we could get), and away from the other chairs. As the hours slipped by there was no sun on these chairs. It was freezing cold in the wind on the deck.

We went for a gross lunch at the buffet (the culinary highlight was a macaroni and cheese that we could have matched or bettered at home cooking ourselves with no formal culinary training). At this point, we'd like to offer a note for all the men reading this blog. If you're inclined to wear a tight little Speedo around in public at the pool, putting on a big T-shirt and wandering into the restaurant in just a T-shirt and flip flops is not good enough (seriously, you're not five years old anymore). No one wants to see your bare legs and every once in a while a flash of your Speedo while they are eating food that already makes them feel nauseated or at the very least, disgusted. Although it was posted every single day in the newsletter and they announced it at various points that people should cover up swimsuits when attending restaurants on the ship, the main occupants of the ship did not seem to care and it was not enforced for the rest of the people who did abide by these reasonable rules.

When we returned to our isolated chairs, there was still no sun there and it was still very cold. Eventually two people left and we took their chairs on that level and sat in the sun for a couple of hours. We watched the blue Mediterranean bob by from our chairs.

It was impossible to relax with the almost constant din around the pool area projected on the loudspeakers. They had people putting stuffed fish and crabs on their heads and doing a conga line and then participating in what looked like musical chairs, although it was impossible to tell as it was all done in rapid Italian. Even with her earphones in and her phone turned up as high as it would go, playing music, April could still hear the loudspeaker antics of the Costa team. There was also dance instructions and some weird version of aerobics that seemed to be more like the making of a truly awful music video for a song that no one wants to listen to. The main occupants of the ship though seemed to be right into it or indifferent as if they were used to constant noise and no quiet contemplation by the sea. We were disappointed that there was nowhere on the ship to just relax and chill in peace and quiet as this was after all a vacation and a chance for us to get away from the city. What a shame.

We returned to our cabin, happy to be away from the clap along, sing along, shouting for no reason activities of the pool deck. We changed and dressed for dinner a little burnt from our time in the sun.

We had to go to the office of the customer service manager to fill out a formal complaint for our problems with the cruise thus far. We were only given a one page form. It was not carbon paper as we had been told, but just a plain paper form. This single sided page was not enough space for all that had happened, so we ended up writing an additional five pages that we appended to this document. She scanned the document on her scanner and gave us the original to take with us. She said that she would send it to the head office. She asked if she could read what we had said about her customer service team. We were surprised. Why wouldn't the customer service manager be reading our whole complaint? Isn't that the job of a customer service manager? The workplace dynamics on the ship seem very odd and smack of a workforce that has had a serious and perhaps fatal breakdown in communication.

She offered us one possible "solution" to the problems we had been having with our cruise while we sat there. She said since we were on the North American package we could elect to not pay the gratuities that we would normally pay at the end of the cruise to the people who had served us (they calculate how many times you go to the restaurant, order room service, etc and then use a percentage to figure out how much of a tip to give to everyone who served you on the cruise, you can dispute it if you want). Why would we want to cancel our tips to some of the only people who we enjoyed seeing on this cruise? Why punish people earning probably minimum wage because Costa had failed so badly? We naturally did not choose this strange proposed "solution." You don't punish vulnerable employees for the failings of management or ownership of huge multi-national company.

No one from customer service or the Costa excursions office gave us any information about how much a private tour of Monaco would cost as they had said they would, so resigned ourselves to not seeing Monaco as we had previously planned.

We also used our time with the polyglot Guest Services Manager (she's French, but also speaks Italian, studied Spanish at University, and married a Portuguese speaker, and she speaks English perfectly) to find out what or who the "animation team" on board our ship was. Every day in the newsletter delivered to our room there were mysterious references like "Let's Dance with the Animation Team," "Hit the Animator," "Tutti Frutti Game with the Animation Team and Trio Tringali, "The Big Snake Game with the Animation Team and the Trio Tringali," and particularly enjoyable, "Sexy Night Let's Dance with the Animation Team and DJ Alessandro Serra and the Participation of the Costa Magica Dancers." On a side note, we never found out what "Game: The Human Slot Machine" entailed.

One of our waiters when asked defined the Animation Team as "animators . . . you know they animate people." This was not an illuminating or particularly satisfying definition and we were left wondering if there were corpses on board who needed to be animated or if the Animation Team did CPR on people who died during the cruise. The Guest Services Manager explained that there were several different animators on board the ship and that there were animators who worked with only children and then ones who worked with adults and that different animators did different things, but not drawing as we had first assumed (very complicated). Eventually we determined that some of them led dancing, some led singing, some led games, and they were what might be called an activities coordinator at a camp or a camp counselor.

While this was edifying, it did nothing to solve our problems with the cruise and we returned to the room to watch the BBC channel and write in the journal. We also organized pictures for our blog. Being in our room made us think of some of the other deficiencies we had found in it such as one of the lamps no longer having an on/off switch, having no do not disturb sign until almost the end of the cruise when one mysteriously appeared, the fluorescent light in the room being about 2/3 burnt out, the towel rack centre rung falling off and not being fixed despite us telling customer service and leaving it out for our cabin steward to find, the shower pole falling off the wall on one end and not being repaired, the seal around the window being partially detached and hanging, greasy marks on the wall that had not been cleaned before embarked on our trip, nail polish on the walls, chips out of the bathroom counter, numerous scratches on the toilet seat, and many others.

We went to dinner at 9:15 P.M. at the restaurant. April's food poisoning seems to be abating with the aid of antibiotics (proving that it was indeed food poisoning causing her severe intestinal issues), but she is still not feeling great and every time she eats she has agonizing stomach cramps. In fear of receiving further food poisoning on this nightmarish Costa cruise, April has stopped ordering anything with meat and is eating strictly vegetarian, not that this is easy given the frozen meat heavy menu.

As we looked above table 133, where we were seated every night in the Smerelda Restaurant, we noticed a huge splatter pattern all over the ceiling (yes, the services are so long that even couples who normally have interesting conversations will eventually run out of things to say). The ceiling looked like it was made of a wipeable vinyl. Why was this strange explosion not dealt with at the time and left for posterity? We wondered if someone sitting at our table previously had not been able to hold the awful food in and had exploded in a Monty Python "The Meaning of Life" shower of frozen shrimp, fish, and beef.

When we returned to our room to fall into blissful oblivion for several hours, Bill's Costa card would not open the door, so we had to use April's. It's interesting that his card could not even withstand part of a cruise (he had it replaced on day two after he lost it). Seems like everything on this ship is falling apart.

The turndown service had revealed a surprise, the illusive mini bar fridge, which had been locked every other night was unlocked. We were far too depressed to drink safely, so we just went to bed.
We cannot wait to be off this ship.

2.23 km walked today.

I really don't know what's going on here.
Something about putting stuffed animals on your heads, forming a conga line, and then returning to a
collection of chairs on the deck . . . Weird.

The only beautiful thing in the buffet that day was a decorative owl.

Yes, it was so loud from our perch above the pool deck that the sound was breaking on my phone.

Sunset from the Smerelda Restaurant.

Bill is not happy with just the cake.

Ice Cream makes things better.

June 20, 2015- At Sea Again

At Sea Day, Time +1 hour,  Lisbon to Valencia, Breakfast in room,  Lie on deck in sun (and wind), Lunch at buffet with a pink chick thigh, Lie in sun and wind, Pass through Strait of Gibraltar at approximately 1:00 PM, Sauna and steam room, Nap,  Meet with Guest Services Manage,  Write blog, Dinner at 9:30 PM

Time moved ahead by one hour early in the morning. Today started with a sleep in. Breakfast was delivered to the room at 9:30 AM. We went up to the pool to get deck chairs only to find that there were earlier birds than us who had reserved all the seats around the pool and in the decks closest to the pool (against cruise policy again). We were again relegated to the upper and windy decks. This was just as well, because it was very loud near the pool. They were having loud dance classes, quiz games, and causing tons of racket. It was truly annoying to try and relax in the sun with the constant din around us. It wasn’t just the music. It was the fact that some fellow on a microphone kept yelling over the music the whole time in Italian.

We left stuff on our chairs to reserve them, against cruise ship policy, but since no one was enforcing this rule on others, we did it anyway, and went for lunch at the buffet. The food was lackluster and generally gross as usual. Bill tried to send pink, undercooked chicken back, but the bus boy/waiter, was too afraid to “insult the chef” and refused to. A supervisor did come to visit, but he said “that’s the way we cook the chicken here” and walked off without us being able to give any response. Thanks again, Costa Cruises! We ate virtually nothing and left, although our appetite was erased by the experience.

April walked back to the pool to see an enthusiastic dance session taking place to "Gangham Style" and tried to relax in the sun, while Bill reported the events of lunch to the kind English hostess, Nuria. We tried to relax in the sun, but it was very cold and windy so we went to the spa/gym, to sit in the separate steam rooms/saunas for men and women. Sitting and looking out of the window of the sauna while passing through the strait of Gibraltar was probably the coolest experience of the day.

We returned to the room, had a nap, and received a note that the guest services manager was ready to meet with us regarding our checkered experience with this Costa Crociere Cruise. We had a shower and went to the buffet for a salad with lettuce and bitter cucumbers and a couple of mini sandwiches.

We met with the guest services manager and it was a huge disappointment. She suggested that we buy a private tour of Monaco or rent a car and drive there themselves. Costa just doesn’t get it. She offered us 20% off other tours we might want to take out of Savona to Italian towns…what a slap in the face. Finally she offered us an upgrade to a suite for the remaining four days of the cruise. We declined this bizarre offer. Why would we want slightly more room for a few days and have to remove everything from our room that is organized and unpacked? When we said this would not do, she said that they had no power on the ship to refund us, or do anything else, other than send a complaint form to the head office. We must fill it out in front of her and cannot do it electronically as it uses carbon paper. She said that she would get back to us about how much a private tour of Monaco would cost.

It is formal night tonight even though when April called Costa before we left, it was supposed to be the last night before the cruise ended (June 22nd)…. More misinformation and disorganization. We supposed it made sense though, because most of the ship's occupants will be disembarking in Savona soon. We are not looking forward to another previously frozen dinner.

Formal night was an interesting and confusing cultural experience. The menu was different from previous evenings, with fewer selections, and was found rolled up on our plates, tied with a pretty ribbon. Unfortunately, the food quality was once again lackluster, although Bill’s roast beef was acceptable for most fundraising dinners—in reflection that’s pretty sad for a highlight, but with this cruise, fundraising dinner fare would be deemed luxury.

Right before dessert arrived, there was a blaring blast on the loudspeaker of a loud voice in Italian. It rapidly switched into the various different languages on board so quickly, one couldn’t discern what was going on… then even louder…we’re talking mega-decibels here… the “pizza pie” song erupted on the speakers. Suddenly and without warning all of the dining room started swinging their napkins in a circular motion above their heads like a helicopter never destined to take flight  in a spectacle that resembled a playoff game at Rogers Arena in Vancouver. Waiters danced in with a kind of tiramisu cake with Cool-Whip with white sugar as an icing on top. Everyone cheered and stood up, and dessert was served. If you like recently thawed M&M Meats cakes, you would have been very satisfied. Thankfully for her, April had ordered some ice cream well in advance from our two kind waiters who made sure she did not have to suffer.

April's gastro-intestinal issues will not abate. She is feeling awful. We are getting worried.

2.62 km walked today.

Gorgeous decor in the buffet restaurant (Bellagio Restaurant) with green dismembered arms holding the lights.

Pink chicken for lunch. "That's the way we cook it." as the supervisor walked away without any time for rebuttal. The same supervisor who the busboy did not even want to tell because it would "insult the chef" if he knew he was serving raw chicken.

Too far to swim to shore. Damn.

April "enjoys" another dinner as the Smerelda Restaurant on the Costa Magica.

These were odd stains on the ceiling above our place in the restaurant

At least the chicken was cooked at dinner...too bad it was so dry it was like eating yarn.

We survived another day on the Costa Magica!